THE LONGEST WEEK EVER

this may have been the
longest week ever.

or so my puny mind has taunted me

the stress of the kids all being home sick
and
waiting for parker's lyme test results
and
me herxing
have made this feel like the longest week on record.

thankfully avery and taylor seem to be on the road to recovery and both went back to school today.

i am definitely feeling less wretched. i think it is safe to assume i've been dealing with a herx and not the flu. certainly my intense flare in symptoms were my standard, garden variety lyme symptoms. this would make sense as i started the abx, tinnidazole, 12 days ago. of interest (to me anyway) is the flare in symptoms i had a week ago were babesia related (night sweats & manic mind, etc), - this time around my symptoms have been totally lyme (no night sweats, electric pain, arthritis, etc) related. i don't know that i have ever had them so defined and separated before.

parker is a different story. he has not improved...and on tuesday he got one of his migraines and developed a high fever. i wanted to take him to our doc's office yesterday for evaluation, but because he now has the suspected H1N1 flu they gave me the run around. told me to phone the swine flu hot line. after an hour and half of being put on hold and getting no answers from the hot line, we phoned our doc's office back and were told that the doctor would call us.
we have yet to receive a phone call.
he is continuing to spike fevers...and looking more and more ashen each day.
and we are at a loss as to what to do with him.
and fear a trip to the ER would do more harm than good at this point.

we were hoping and praying we would at least get his lyme test results today. that will not be happening. the results are still pending...and will not be in before the middle of next week.

so the agony of this week has been prolonged
the worry is crushing
the apprehension is stifling
the strain is unbearable

i do not even know what i dread more anymore
a positive
or
a negative
result

my mind has been spinning a million miles a minute this week
as i sat down to blog this morning
i found myself a discombobulated litany of fury and anguish and trust
all of it roiling through my frenzied brain
living in momentary measures of peace, faith and trust
yet
bombarded with fragmented thoughts
and disarming emotions of
frustration
anger
fear

i've done a lot of business with God this week
lamenting and venting about our upside down life

and now i have been brought up short,
stopped cold in my tracks,
stopped cold in my typing,
stopped cold in my rebel child soliloquy of ranting and raving and woe is me,
caught in that foot stamping tirade i so easily get swept up in when i see life from my limited, handicapped point of view...

stopped cold by a letter, a cheque and a verse that just arrived in the mail.

For the vision is yet for the appointed time;
It hastens toward the goal and it will not fail
Though it tarries, wait for it;
For it will certainly come, it will not delay.
~ Hab 2:3

stopped cold by the voice of God and brought up short by this tangible reminder that we are not lost to God. He understands our frustration and our anger.He cares about our pain and our despair... and even our unpaid bills. our nonsensical life makes perfect sense to Him.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,"
declares the LORD.
"As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."
~Isa 55:8-9

my soul is recompense within me,
my head is bowed in humility
i am so undeserving of the grace that is found in Him
i am so astounded and awed by the mystery of His ways