ONE STEP AT A TIME

i'm wearing my thrifted polka dot shoes today. aren't they spiffy?

they make me smile and they remind me to just take this journey one step at a time. as it turns out, they are also a super snazzy way to jazz up a hospital-issued wardrobe.

so here's the thing - i'm sitting in the hospital awaiting a CT Scan right now. for me. i've been struggling with some pretty debilitating symptoms since mid-january. primarily, intense pain and pressure in my spine, vertigo, nausea & increased vomiting (as in i'm vomiting more than the nightly vomiting episodes that have plagued me for 3 years now)

aside from the vomiting, the rest are all new symptoms for me.

we haven't talked much about my struggles the past 4 months for several reasons...


...for the first few weeks we just thought i had a really bad flu. which at first made sense - after all, my symptoms were "new to me" and came on suddenly. on a wednesday morning in mid-jan, i was woken out of sleep by intense nausea and back pain, within hours i was vomiting. however, as january ebbed into february, the pain & pressure in my spine increased and i became so off-balance that i had difficulty walking. as a result, i was unable to get out of bed for most of february. as my functionality began to diminish, the hope that this was nothing more than the flu faded away.

...and then it all just felt too surreal & too unbelievable to consider that sparky and i could possibly be in relapse within a week of each other. (my symptoms began the week before he fell ill again.) 

...because coping with sparky's relapse took all our emotional sharing quota - there is only so much you can publicly bleed about at one time.

...because there have been more questions than answers and everything has been about as clear as mud.


in march, i was seen by a local doctor who suspected that my spinal pain & pressure was infection related. (i also had elevated WBC) he prescribed antibiotics. within 72 hours of starting the antibiotics, my symptoms intensified so greatly that all i could do was lie on the bathroom floor and puke and cry. the hubster put in an emergency call to our LLMD, DR H. with sinking hopes, we suspected that the sharp increase in symptoms was most likely a herx...an indication that my symptoms were most likely lyme-related. 

however, DR H was concerned that my symptoms were also strongly indicative of another condition. (lyme often mimics other conditions) my doctor here agreed and they both felt this warranted further investigation and felt it was necessary for me to undergo several tests to rule out the condition my new symptoms are indicative of.

so that is where i'm at...in probable relapse alongside my son. today's scan will either confirm my relapse or reveal another condition. affirmative results in either direction will be difficult to face. this journey is so difficult to walk...but i'll just keep moving through it one spiffy step at a time.