CARRY ME

we are home from SF. 

today we got the ball rolling on sparky's "balls to the wall" treatment. it's now full steam ahead. the following "menu" will be served up 3 times per day for the next 6 weeks. 

intense die-offs, called Jarisch-Herxeimer reactions (aka herxes), are expected and they are horrendous to live thru. a herx occurs when the medication hits it's intended target (the bugs) and kills them. the death of the bugs results in  a nasty mix of toxins being released into the bloodstream and can create neuro-toxicity. it is the toxins circulating in the bloodstream that produce an intensifying of all ready present symptoms and/or can elicit the presence of new symptoms. 

a herx associated with the treatment of lyme is most often seen at around the 72 hour mark of the start of treatment and again at around 3-4 week mark. that being said, everyone herxes slightly different... the health of a person's detox pathways, bio-chemical make up and effectiveness of detox regime all impact the duration and intensity of herxing. one of the particular medications sparky will be starting is very powerful against the cyst form of lyme. for this reason it can cause very intense and prolonged herx reactions.

sparky's herxing has always produced very intense psychiatric manifestations - hallucinations, psychosis, rages, confusion, delirium, suicidal ideation, self harming. the most intense physical symptoms are joint pain, nausea, tremors, chest pain and migraines. the most intense period of herxing was when we first initiated IV treatment back in the fall of 2010. the worst of it lasted for 3 months straight. his symptoms were so severe that we could not leave him unattended at all. as we re-enter the aggressive IV treatment arena, our thoughts return to those very dark days and we know that we must prepare for the possibility of re-living that. sparky has little re-collection of the worst of those months however he does have an awareness of having been in a very scary state of mind. as futile as it may be, we are doing our best to try to prepare him and us for the possibility that we may find ourselves catapulted back in to this valley of the shadow of death, this darkest of dark places where mind and body are held hostage, encapsulated in what truly can only best be described as hell on earth. we are all aware of our deep, desperate need for God to carry us now.

we would appreciate prayers for endurance, perseverance and healing as we slay the bugs.

it is difficult to head into a treatment that we know will temporarily make him sicker and weaker than he already is - and we have no guarantee that this treatment will have the desired results. should this treatment fail, DR H has indicated that we will be between a rock and hard place. that was difficult news to hear. more than ever, we are aware of our desperate need for God's hand of healing over our lives. our prayer is that this combo of meds will be the method by which God delivers restoration and healing to sparky's body.

the words of the following song will be our anthem as we move thru the next 6 weeks.

carry me

i try to catch my breath
it hasn't happened yet
i'm wide awake in the middle of the night scared to death
so i prayed God, would you make this stop?
Father, please hold on the me, You're all i've got

carry me, carry me, carry me now
from my sinking sand to Your solid ground
the only way i'm ever gonna make it out
is if you carry me, carry me, carry me now
God, carry me, carry me, carry me

Jesus, calm my heart
come near me please
Lord, don't let these worries get the best of me
Oh, i believe, that You're still here with me
cause You meant what You said when You said You'd never leave me

carry me, carry me, carry me now
from my sinking sand to your solid ground
the only way i'm ever gonna make it out
is if You carry me, carry me, carry me now
God carry me, carry me, carry me now

i'm at the end of myself
i know i've got nothing left
feels like i'm stuck in the valley of the shadow of death
and i've been down here so long
i just can't find my way out
oh, God, i don't stand a chance
unless You carry me now
God carry me now