DARK CLOUD OF SUSPICION

we still do not know what is causing parker's continued illness
last week the doctor suspected tuberculosis
and immediately sent us to public health to have parker tested for it
that was a 3-day wait for negative results

at the start of this week, parker was beginning to finally 'look' and 'act' like himself again. even though he was very tired and in a lot of pain, he went to school both monday and tuesday for about 2 hours. we were hopeful that he was finally on the road to recovery. then wednesday rolled around and he was down for the count again. yesterday he felt a lot better. today he is not so hot at all. he's up, he's down and so the yo-yo goes. while he has definitely shown some signs of improvement this week, any improvements have been sporadic and not lasting.

this is a difficult post to write

we continue to live under a dark cloud of many suspected diagnosis
riding out that emotional roller coaster of testing and waiting and 'ruling out'
at this point, we know a lot of what it is not - but nothing of what it is
but we find ourselves suspecting the unthinkable

the possibility that what is ailing parker is lyme

there are many reasons behind this suspicion...right now, i just do not have the strength to get into all that. i will say that this is not a new-found suspicion. this possibility has been on our radar for a long time. we have known that we would have to cross this bridge at some point...yet have desperately hoped that we never really would have to.

now that time has come.

right now, a diagnosis of lyme seems to be a strong possibility.
DR H has been consulted and has recommended we move forward with testing parker for lyme.
we will be doing that on monday.

we are endeavoring to approach this as "just one more test that will rule OUT a possibility".
yet, with each passing day, the knot in our stomach grows. on a good day, when parker seems to be getting better, it is easier to treat this as such and keep our fears in check. despite the knot in our stomach, we can be calm and face all of this in a matter of fact sort of way. on a bad day, when he is pale, fatigued and has to crawl to get around, well that knot in our stomach churns its way up our throats and grips our hearts in crushing fear. please understand that for us, facing diagnosis x, y or z has been nothing compared to facing this possibility. from our perspective, a diagnosis of lyme is a worst case scenario.

we take comfort in knowing that we have one of the best LLMD's on board. in the unlikely event that our suspicions are confirmed with a positive test result, we are one plane ride away from immediate and aggressive treatment.

more importantly, we take comfort in knowing that God goes before us on this too. He's crossing this bridge with us. He is our light in the darkness and we can trust Him with this journey too.

Psalm 91:1-6, 14-16

Those who live in the shelter of the Most High
will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
This I declare about the Lord:
He alone is my refuge, my place of safety;
he is my God, and I trust him.

For he will rescue you from every trap
and protect you from deadly disease.
He will cover you with his feathers.
He will shelter you with his wings.
His faithful promises are your armor and protection.

Do not be afraid of the terrors of the night,
nor the arrow that flies in the day.
Do not dread the disease that stalks in darkness,
nor the disaster that strikes at midday.

The Lord says, “I will rescue those who love me.
I will protect those who trust in my name.
When they call on me, I will answer;
I will be with them in trouble.
I will rescue and honor them.
I will reward them with a long life
and give them my salvation.”