NO MORE

i'm at the end of my rope.
strength of mind and body is ebbing away. i've been bed bound since our return on Saturday from SF...no relief from vomitting - aside from some fluids, ive not kept anything or any food down...and had really only kept sporadic meal or food down here and there over past several weeks.

Parker is doing very poorly. morphine is only taking edge of his pain and he is exhausted, pale, weak...

it just doesn't end. there is no end to this suffering. this pit. this hole. I want it to all go away. i cant take anymore - endless day bleeds into another endless day into another and another and another...

no more
no more
no more

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

HOME

we're home.
arrived late last nite.
flight was overrun with screaming kids. behind us. in front of us. everywhere. I think they multiplied as the flight wore on.
I'm worn out. been throwing up. a lot.
just really tired.

hope to get up some posts this week.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

ON OUR WAY

sitting in airport terminal...running IVs...sipping coffee...

we're sitting in Bellingham airport as a type this - heading back down to SF to see DR H again. crazy how fast 3 months goes - and how terribly much happens between each visit to him. taylor is not coming with us this time...we're gonna miss him terribly but he opted to stay home - he is working full time. he's been working at a warehouse for about 3 months now - which makes it difficult for him to get the time off plus he is doing really, really well (isn't that awesome! thank you GOD!) so an "in-office" visit wasn't an absolute necessity right now. 


on the other hand, parker and i are not so hot. the complexity of parker's case is well, perplexing...i suspect DR H is gonna have his hands full trying to pinpoint what's been going on with him and trying to figure out what to do about my barfing. my barfing has gotten progressively worse over the past several weeks. i'm now throwing up morning, noon and night. sigh. and my nerve pain/neuropathy which had been well controlled for about a year now has gotten wildly out if control recently - had to double my dose of gabapentin again and am now running procaine IVs twice daily to try and knock the edge off of it.

well, pre-boarding is about to begin. 
gotta roll...


will be trying to update my daily drama page each day. hope to get in an actual blog post or two as well. stay tuned...watch out SF, the goertzens are on their way.

WE BE JAMMIN'

with a little shot of morphine and a big dose of prayer, parker made it to the NBA jam session yesterday. he wasn't well by any stretch of the imagination, but he was able to go...sans wheelchair...and even shot a few hoops. we celebrate that!


it's an extraordinary feat, if you ask me. a week ago, he was in hospital. 3 days ago, his joint pain was so intense, he was (back to) crawling around the house to get around. 2 days ago, he endured 4 procaine injections into his knees and the nite before this event, he had to be carried to bed - migraine and barf bowl in tow. and yesterday? well, lookee here! he shot hoops and even ran through the skills course!


and that is the roller coaster we live with. that is the reality of life with lyme...day to day, hour to hour, comprised of a greatly varying array of symptoms and huge extremes of ability and inability. no rhyme. no reason. it just is whatever it happens to be for that moment in time. this is the reality of life with lyme.

imagine, if you can, one moment being able to shoot hoops, play tag or read a book and then, 5 minutes or an hour or a day later, being in pain so agonizing it knocks the wind out of you, experiencing delirium so intense the imaginary becomes real, or fatigue so profound and joint pain so excruciating it strips you of your mobility and independence...and not knowing when it'll end...if you'll be back in that wheelchair or bed bound again for just a moment, or a day or week upon endless week. unimaginable, isn't it? it is. i know. and yet we live it. and it is one of the most challenging parts of this disease to cope with emotionally and to make any sense of...and it is also the most difficult aspect of it for people to understand.

there is a oft quoted saying, "you don't get lyme, until you get it"...this is so true...in so many ways, it is unfathomable and it is unimaginable...and it is one of the reasons i felt compelled to start the daily drama page as part of my blog. more of the reasons for adding it can be found on the actual page...i started it this week, albeit, after getting off to a great start with it, i'm now having some technical difficulties and just noticed that some of my last several updates on it are now missing (hear me screaming at my computer....argh!) at any rate, if you haven't already found the tab/link to it. it's just above this post, click on the title daily drama...or click here to go to it.

now back to the last few snapshots of our NBA jam session experience...

we met some stars along the way...

harlem globetrotter "buckets" blakes

avery giving robert horry a high five!

it was a smokin' hot day indeed! as a matter of fact, we fried in the heat! today, we're all a bit burnt...and parker is toast... but yesterday, he was jammin'...and oh, how sweet that was!

WE ARE HOME! PTL!

we are home

PTL!!

during our stay in the ER, parker's liver enzymes returned to normal and his platelets came way up and are back in normal range. PTL! we really don't know what exactly it is that caused his bizarre rash and all of his other weird symptoms. parker says he has lost count of how many times he's heard the word "weird". initially ER doc thought drug toxicity or DHS was the cause (as was the dx by the clinic doc) however his rash kept changing and moving around his body WHILE we were in the ER. it was WEIRD. so possibly it is just some weird viral infection that is wreaking so much havoc. at any rate, he still has the rash, is feverish and is in considerable pain but he was able to come home. they gave him pain meds, so he is currently a tad ummm, high.

i am exhausted but so profoundly grateful for all the support and prayers. thank you! it brings tears to my eyes. and i am really, really thankful that we could come home. the ER doc thought the worst of it was behind us. i sure hope so.

will update more tomorrow.

HOSPITAL BOUND

this afternoon, parker developed rash in his mouth...needless to say, we are hospital bound.

DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY

i don't even know what to say anymore...and i really don't have the time to figure out what to say.

i really don't. yet, i feel the need to say something. sort thru the tumult of thoughts reeling around in my head. yet here i sit, in the wee morning hours, staring blankly at the computer screen, wondering what to say and where to start. and i just don't know. it's been a gong show here since graham left. a total gong show. and the past 24 hours, we've hit crisis mode. more about that in a minute. but first, i have to say i have been incredibly blessed by the care, support and practical helps from some pretty amazing people. THAT has gotten me thru THIS...this crazy, upside down, sideways ride...this more difficult, more challenging than i ever expected ride i've been on for the past 10 days. has it only been 10 days since graham left? feels more like 100.

i'm sitting here questioning why in the world so much has gone wrong and why couldn't we have been spared some of the crazy challenges that have rolled our way. just dealing with our every day regular stuff would have been challenge enough, so i certainly can't understand why we couldn't have just been spared the additional drama that has occurred. yet, even while i contemplate those thoughts, i recognize that i've been given the strength to get thru it on my own when i had to and i've been given the help to lean on and support of others when i had not an ounce of strength left.

so here i sit, trying to reconcile the collision 2 very divergent schools of thought. on one hand, i wonder why, oh why, oh why have we not been spared some of the crap that has gone on over the past 10 days (or past 5 years), yet at the same time i recognize as bad as it's been, it could've been worse. i don't know what to say about it. i really don't. i could sit here and endlessly try to rationalize it, analyze it or spiritualize it. i could do it til i'm blue in the face - and i would still not understand it. i don't know if i ever will.

sometimes i just wish we could say all the things that are easy to hear

ignore the injustice we see and explain every unanswered prayer

but i'd rather speak honestly and wear a tattered heart on my sleeve

cause in the middle of my broken dreams, redemption is here

i'm still a dreamer, a believer

i've lost my faith in so many things, but i still believe in you

cause you are the answer, the redeemer

i've given up on too many things, but i'm not giving up on you

cause you can make anything new

i don't have every answer in life

but i'm trusting you one day at a time

cause you can make a weak heart stay alive forever

this is where heaven and earth collide

i lift my hands and give my life

this is how my weary heart stays alive

~ the redeemer by sanctus real

maybe once things calm down (they will, right? one day), i hope to share some of the lighter moments and the blessings that have occurred over the past 10 days, but as i mentioned at the start of this post, we've hit crisis mode and would really covet prayer. the past 24 hours, have been difficult, scary and exhausting.

i don't have a lot of time to go into detail right now. but here's the break down:

parker has been on a downward spiral this week.

he began to have some weird symptoms on tuesday morning during his IV infusion...best described as a "funny feeling" in his mouth and very bad pain in his RUQ (like pain he had during gall bladder attack) however these things would be over and done with within the first 5 minutes of infusion starting and wouldn't return at any point during the remainder of the 60 minute infusion. yet, he continued to have them occur with every IV infusion (he's on this IV med every 12 hours). it was weird. he has been on this particular IV med for about 5 weeks now so it didn't seem likely that he would be having any sort of reaction to the drug. but it was odd enough that it bothered me.

i didn't want to be an alarmist but something about it just wasn't sitting right with me. just a nagging feeling that something was off. additionally, he was describing his joint pain as the worst it's ever been. on friday morning, i noticed that his face was very bumpy. however, when he is starting to head into a herx, it is not unusual for him to pretty much start to have these sort of skin changes - his whole body will take on the texture of sandpaper. the bumps are always flesh colored. but i noticed that they were red and he was really weak. again, i just had an uneasy feeling i couldn't put to rest, so i put in calls to both our american LLMDs. and i decided to be as pro-active as possible - which meant dragging him to the lab for blood work even though he felt horrendous. at that point, i was concerned that it was his gall bladder that was acting up again. while we were at the lab, he all of a sudden said, "mom, look at my hands."

there were strange little red dots all over them.

by the time we got from the lab to the van, the spots were on his ears. and within minutes, they were spreading like wild fire.

ears, face, neck, arms.

i thought about driving him straight to the hospital.

but it was nearing rush hour...on a friday and well, i didn't want to panic. i wanted this to be nothing. i wanted to keep the situation as calm as possible. by the time we got home, he was running a fever, i knew he needed to be seen. still hoping this was really not anything to be too concerned about, i opted to take him to the walk-in clinic by our house.

the doc there said it was a non-specific rash. most likely it was a virus or maybe he had mono. i asked him about it being some sort of delayed reaction to the IV abx. he said no. that kind of thing is highly usual and that it would be safe to continue running meds as is. if however, he got worse, than come back to clinic or go to the hospital. but he assured me that it was probably not anything to be concerned about.

we went home

and

i just could not shake the feeling that this was "nothing" to be concerned about and that the rash had "nothing" to do with the IV meds

i did NOT run his IV meds that night

he continued to run fevers that nite and feel progressively sicker.

the next morning (saturday)

when he woke up, he was worse.

a hundred times worse

the rash was very red and very pronounced and was every where now. even on the palms of his hands and the soles of his feet. there was NO WAY this was still a non-specific rash

i took him back to the clinic.

i now put in phone call to dr h's cell.

i tried to remain calm.

i told myself it could be fifth's disease or hand, foot, mouth disease.

but we've had all those rip through our house before and this really did not look anything like that. it was just different.

there was different doc at clinic

as soon as she walked into the room, the first words out of her mouth were,

"that looks like DHS - drug hypersensitivity syndrome."

my heart hit the floor

that it would be that, had been my fear. i had already read about it, while rare, it is very serious.

additionally, parker's lab work revealed elevated liver enzymes and low platelet counts. DHS is characterized by rash, fever and organ involvement. as well as arthralgia, myalgia etc.

the best defensive against, DHS, is to immediately stop the drug that is suspected of causing the reaction. the sooner it is stopped the better the prognosis. i can't even begin to imagine what kind of a pickle we could have been in had i gone home the night before and continued to run his IV meds.

aside from immediately stopping the suspect drugs, really the only treatment is supportive care of the symptoms. benadryl. detox meds. IV fluids. pain management.

the doc said we could go home, start all the supportive measures and closely monitor him. if the rash got worse, his fever got higher or he started to develop rash on his lips, mouth, eyes etc than he needed to go to hospital immediately. DHS can (very rarely) progress to a rare syndrome called stevens-johnson syndrome.

we went home

and

then dr g from dr h's office called (he's the doc on call this weekend)

and he told me he wanted me to take parker to the hospital immediately. DHS is not something to mess around with.

i really balked at that (anyone who's read this blog for any length of time would know why.) and i asked dr g if it was absolutely imperative to immediately take him to hospital or could we just devise a strategy to continue supportive care at home?

he agreed i could keep him at home for time being if i monitored him every 1-2 hours through out the night. and if at any time, anything seemed to be getting worse, especially his skin, i had to immediately take him.

i'm already beyond exhausted but i would rather be at home not sleeping than at the hospital not sleeping.

it is morning now. his pain is horrendous. the rash on his face has improved. his arms and legs are worse but the rash is not blistered which is a good sign. i've spoken with dr g again. for the time being, we're staying put at home. there does seem to be some improvement so we're hopeful the worst is behind us. we are still on stand-by and the possibility of having to go to hospital is still a very real possibility.

i don't know what else to say. i'm exhausted. i don't know how i'm continuing to function. i have thrown up every single day since graham has been gone. often multiple times a day. aside from that, i'm fine. i have to be. pray for us. i spoke with graham several times last night. it is hard for him to be so far away. parker's condition continues to be ummm, unstable. i am on pins and needles. we are taking it minute by minute. i am closely monitoring him, while i am hopeful the worst is behind us, but i don't know. i can't say. pls just pray. i will update as i can.

OVERWORMED & HARRIFIED

the first 24 hours of our 336 hours sans graham has gotten off to a rather overworming and harrifying start. er, i meant, overwhelming and horrifying.

graham left wednesday morning.

the dog pooped out a worm on thursday morning.

i nearly had a coronary.

i panicked. i freaked out. before i even called the

vet, i called our seattle doctor, dr d. i called her CELL phone. only supposed to use that in emergencies. i was in a state of panic and so, in my opinion, this was an emergency.

could we have worms?

everyone is exposed to tons of bacteria and parasites on a daily basis but for those (us) that are immuno compromised, any of these things can pose a threat to our health (or lack there of). we are far more susceptible to them and at risk of developing complications as a result.

thankfully, dr d answered her cell and talked me down from the ceiling. ha ha. certainly, there is a cause for concern and we do need to all be pre

ventatively treated. fortunately, both parker and i are already on meds for specifically for parasites. this is a common part of treatment as parasitical issues are common with lyme and co-infections. taylor is on the abx flagyl which is a heavy hitter and most likely would annihilate any little wormies he may have been exposed to. so, the meds we are on, should have us covered. phew. just to be on the safe side, dr d prescribed a 3 day course of de-worming treatment for avery. obviously, i can't de-worm graham because he is away in mexico... probably picking up his own set of parasites.

dr d also wanted to get harrison's poop tested. ahhhh, lovely. but also, necessary. it's a "good thing" (bet martha stewart never thought her key coined phrase would be used in reference to stool testing) to find out exactly what was in harri's poop - that way we can be treated as specifically as possible. it's also a "good thing" that i saw the worm. shudder. i'm dubious about that but that was dr d's professional opinion about the worm sighting. apparently, it's rare to actually see the worm in the poop...let alone a live one. oh, yes! it was squirming and wiggling. totally harrifying to see. but it's a good thing. at least we know and can be treated. apparently this is not a case of ignorance is bliss. suppose so. i'd rather be in the dark about it.

once i got off the phone with dr d. i put in a call to the vet. i needed to know whether we needed an appointment or could just drop in. it's abou

t a 25-35 minute drive (depending on traffic). i figured our situation was unusual enough, that i should give them the heads up.

no appt needed just come in and get pills, they said.

i couldn't get there fast enough.

in fact, it wasn't til we pulled up at the vet clinic that i realized i was still in my pajamas, hair and teeth unbrushed. i bet i made a pretty harrifying sight.

even though my conversation with dr d had calmed me down a bit, i was still pretty flustered when we arrived at the vet. it's just so gross. the k

ids were so grossed out too. they wouldn't touch poor harri - the whole drive to the vet, avery kept freaking out whenever he came near her. "his butt is touching my car seat!" she shrieked multiple times. they wouldn't even hold his leash.

poor ostracized puppy

we burst thru the doors of the clinic.

me, parker, avery, harrison and the offending poop.

naturally, it didn't go so smoothly at the vet. i was so upset and stressed and mumbling and not at all communicating properly or articulately. they kept saying it wasn't necessary to run lab tests on the poop because worms are common in dogs and they could just give me meds for him.

and i kept trying to explain that we needed the stool sample tested. that the we didn't need the labs run for HIS sake, we needed them run for OUR sake. that i'm immuno-compromised and my doctor needs to know exactly what kind of worm it was so i can be as specifically treated as possible.

the gal behind the front counter looked puzzled. she proceeded to tell me that if we needed a fecal test done, then we needed to have an appointment. could we come back in 2 hours?

i just about dissolved into tears.

i knew i just wouldn't have enough energy to drive home again and come back.

mind you, i didn't tell her that... i couldn't speak. i just stood there, poop in hand, blankly staring at her. i think she finally really looked at me then. remember, i was a sight for sore eyes, i think she took pity on me. she said, "hold on a minute. let me go talk to the vet and see if we can by pass the appointment."

thankfully, they did.

they'd run the lab and call me the next day with the results.

they sent us home, with a first round of de-worming meds.

couldn't get those into harri fast enough.

the whole thing just grosses me out

and remember how i had designated 0 hours to tidying up/cleaning my house?

yeah, well that changed in a flash.

the minute we got home from the vet, i set to work.

laundering his washable toys

throwing out the one's that aren't washable

laundering all his bedding

and

pretty much washing and bleaching anything his butt may have come in contact with.

even washed all the pillows on the couch

yeah, i was a little hysterical

total overkill but i'd rather over than under

shudder

by the time i was done, i was beyond exhausted. it was after 2pm. i had not even had breakfast yet. who could eat anyway? and the dog had still not been walked. the whole worm in the poop thing had preempted our earlier attempt. i was feeling completely overwhelmed and just started bawling my eyes out. so the dog has worms. it's really common. it's not really that big of a deal. except that graham is gone. and that is stressful enough. and it's making me confront loss again - that whole missing out on life plans stuff and assorted negative thinking that accompany that...like how our life is just not at all how we ever imagined it would be and has not at all gone how we had planned. i'm not remotely resentful of graham being gone. in fact, i am excited and thrilled that he could go. i have often felt badly and guilty about how much my being sick has impacted him and our plans. i'm not mad that i couldn't go, just really sad.

so, yup, all it took was ONE worm to tip my emotional scale. i get that life can be pretty crappy and rarely goes as planned...but really? Lord, you could have spared me worms in the crap! stupid worm left me feeling, i dunno, defeated? sad? overwormed! harrified! as i walked the dog, i stewed about my crappy life and grumbled my way around the park. i wasn't at all in the mood, but i figured this was probably an appropriate time to listen to some praise and worship on my ipod. that's when the following song came on...listen by clicking here - my changing world by kutless and/or read lyrics at end of this post.

pretty amazing, eh?

it certainly helped a ton.

even better, was what happened after i got home from my walk. first, i went to get the mail and i had a birthday card from my husband. (it's my birthday on sunday). that was just so sweet and such an awesome surprise.

next, i checked my email and sitting in my inbox was an email from a friend and her daughters offering to take avery on a fun outing the following day.

i cried.

again.

but it was the good type of cry.

not the i'm overwormed by crap cry but the i'm overwhelmed and grateful cry.

God is blessing me and he is here with me...even in the midst of the crap.

CHANGING WORLD

~by Kutless

I thought I had it all under control

I thought my fate was still in my hands

All of my plans were firmly set

By the words that I say

I forgot how quickly things can change

Now my vision cannot be the same

[CHORUS:]

My life is not what I thought

I'm not where I planned to be

Though something's gone

There's nothing wrong with my changing world

Though something's gone

There's nothing wrong with my changing world

I need to let go of my destiny

I need to trust in things unseen

I believe in having faith

Though I yield my control

I forgot how quickly things can change

Now my vision cannot be the same

I'm embracing all of my fears

I am watching them turn to delight

The very fears which were gripping my mind

Are now the hands shaping and sculpting my dreams

336 HOURS

this morning graham left on a road trip. he will be gone for 2 whole weeks. gulp.

that's 336 hours. somehow that seems a less intimidating number to contend with than 2 weeks or 14 days.

may be weird but it just does.

i've always kinda liked number games. not math. i suck at math. but number games i like. i think it started when i married someone 8 years older than me. i like that. i like rubbing in that fact. graham just rolls his eyes and puts up with my teasing. sure, it's rather immature of me but hey, he's more than capable of dealing with it, after all, he's much older than me.

i'm also a young mom. er well, i started out as a young mom. when my son taylor reaches official retirement age of 65, i will ONLY be 83. which means there is the slightest chance that we could end up living in a retirement community together. we'll be little old people together. ha ha.

when taylor started his grade 12 year, avery was starting grade 1. so we had one kid in their final year of school and one just beginning their school career. well, actually that was kinda depressing. never mind.

back to the 336 hours thing.

graham is on his way to mexico. it's not as wonderful as it sounds. he's driving there. in a caravan of vans filled to the brim with teenagers. he packed ear plugs and a costco size bottle of advil. he's heading down there with a team of other youth workers, volunteers and of course, a group of teens. they will be working in an orphanage there. me and our kids are staying home. it's hard be left behind on many fronts. we've always desired to do a mission's trip as a family. doing that was one of the many dreams that graham and i had for our family right from the start of our marriage. then lyme came along.

we had really, really, really hoped and prayed that we would all be well enough to go on this trip. we figured that was a pretty big pipe dream but you know, we still hoped it would happen. i've had to let go of a lot of dreams and aspirations go over the past 5 years. it's not enough to say "maybe one day" or "next time" anymore. it doesn't ease the loss. as time goes by you learn to creatively adjust, but for me, anyway, the losses don't get easier to cope with, they get harder. but such is life.

please be in prayer for my husband and the entire project serve mexico team. they have a blog and my hubby is going to be giving a whirl at keeping folks posted. please feel free to follow their adventures at www.thefridge.ca or just click here. i know me and the kids will be hanging on to every word we read! please pray for safety. pray for an epic experience - pray that they would bless the socks of those little ones they will be ministering to at the orphanage. i'm challenged to face the next 336 hours all by myself but that pales in comparison at the thought of all those little ones living their entire lives 'all by themselves'. breaks my heart. absolutely breaks my heart. such pain. such heartache. such loss. and i complain? pssshhht.

the next 336 hours will be a challenge for the project serve mexico team. certainly, the next 336 hours will be a challenge for me too. it's pretty daunting and i'm more than a little overwhelmed at the thought.

we're very relieved that i'm through the absolute worst of my herx from last week. if ever there was an "ideal" time for graham to be gone it would be right after a one of my stays on spirochetal death row - i generally have the most manageable days symptom wise in the days that immediately follow a herx. however, i'm still really struggling, for whatever reason (most likely, murphy's law) and i'm not bouncing back as fast as i have in recent months. i'm still in considerable pain and it's a real struggle to get through the day. i have only had 2 barf free days in the past 14 days. - so my energy reserves, which are lacking at the best of times, are completely depleted. surviving the next 336 hours on my own is feeling pretty overwhelming and daunting and lonely. graham and i are a team. he does SO MUCH. i'm down a player now. forget that, i'm down my STAR player now and most of the time i'm on the scratch list. it's gonna take a whole lot of tenacity and courage and grit and determination to persevere through the next 336 hours.

back to my number game now. here's my projections for the next 336 hours:

i will spend a total of 12 hours preparing IV meds;

i will spend a total of 42 hours infusing those IV meds.

i will spend a total of 6 hours dispensing oral meds;

i will spend every 24 hour period tied to a rigorous schedule of consuming those dispensed meds:

9:00am, 9:30am, 10am, 11am, 1pm, 3pm, 4pm, 5pm, 9pm, 10pm, 11pm;

i will spend a minimum of 14 hours dealing with an assortment of other medical stuff.

i will spend a minimum of 28 hours standing in front of the fridge trying to figure out what to make for dinner;

i will spend a minimum of 28 hours contemplating how to make that dinner.

i will spend a total of 14 hours walking the dog and picking up his unmentionables;

i will spend a total of 7 hours brushing the dog's hair.

i will spend a total of 0 hours brushing my own.

i will spend a total of 10 hours trying to figure out what to do with the kids;

i will spend an additional 10 hours trying to strategically make those plans work around our medical and physical challenges.

i will spend a minimum of 84 hours sleeping;

i will spend 0 hours tidying the house.

i will spend 30 minutes a day blogging...

30 minutes a day...that may be as big a challenge as getting through the next 336 HOURS. see? i still have big dreams and aspirations!

i always have plenty of stories and memories floating around in my head but getting them down in black and white is challenging - even at the best of times. last time i checked (2 seconds ago) i had 15 half finished blog posts sitting in my draft box. not sure that they'll ever see the light of day. at any rate, i'm going to endeavor to give myself 30 minutes a day to plug away at recording this crazy journey we are on. after all, that's the whole reason i started blogging in the first place! ironic that it is this very journey that hijacks my time.

so, 30 minutes of blogging a day works out to a total of 7 of the next 336 hours.

how many hours does that leave me with to really worry, fret or stress about coping with it?

a grand total of 14 hours

see? that doesn't sound so bad, eh?

i love number games.

hold up a minute,

avery just reminded me that it's harrison's birthday on friday.

naturally, she just announced that

"we (which really means me) just HAVE to have a party and cake for him."

after all, it's his FIRST birthday.

oh brother.

i guess that takes care of my last 14 hours.

one thing for sure tho'

i will spend every single second of these 336 hours missing my husband.

SUNSETS ON WHIDBEY

one of the most amazing things about whidbey island is the sunsets. they are pretty incredible. and so was our holiday. it's hard to capture it all in writing. we made a lot of wonderful memories that i'm sure we'll be reflecting on for years to come

.

this was our first vacation with harrison in tow. and tow him we did - right into the deep blue sea! he was less than thrilled. poor little guy - i thought his eyes would bug out of his head but hey, you either sink or swim, right? ha ha he's gotta learn sometime. fortunately, he wasn't completely traumatized from us dragging him through the water and had a rip roaring good time racing up and down the beach. not sure if it was the lure of the sand or all the seagull poop on it (why do dogs love to roll around on poop?)...or maybe it was just the freedom of being off leash that he enjoyed most. after all, that was a freedom he's not experienced before. he had no clue that there are still rules to abide by and boundaries to adhere to...like the one day, he ran off down the beach and straight into one of the other cabins. i nearly had a heart attack. i was so mortified i "made" graham go retrieve him - fortunately the folks whose cabin he bolted through were more than understanding. it was certainly an unconventional way of meeting your neighbors. before the week was up, harrison had introduced us to many more neighbors. ahem. fortunately, all were pet owners themselves and we ended up meeting some really lovely folks.

all tuckered out from his beach (mis)adventures

yeah, it was a really great holiday. i have plenty more memories but as the saying goes, a picture is worth a thousand words. while we were there graham started compiling our memories into a little slide show. with out further ado, i give you sunsets on whidbey...hope you enjoy!