October 22, 2008

WHO AM I?

Who am I?
I am not Graham.

It's me again.
Who's me again?
Me again...as in Shannon...minus one angry, rebellious organ.

WOW.
The past 5 weeks have been some of the most harrowing, horrifying, emotionally numbing weeks to date...capping them off with the drama of an emergency surgery was somewhat a nice distraction.

Weirdly enough.

More about that later. I have so much to get down on cyber paper. I have desperately missed spewing forth my thoughts - it's been incredibly trying and frustrating to be so hemmed in by my physical and mental limitations. My brain, my crazy lyme mind is alive with colorful verbage swirling around on one continuous dizzying axiom screaming for release in the form of Size 10, ARIAL font.

Not sure if my return is indication that I am actually coming out of this 5 week long herx or if it is because I have now been off my detox meds since last Thursday or if it has more to do with the fact that I'm pumped full of morphine and various other lovely narcotics.

Somehow I have a sneaking suspicion my reprieve has more to do with the latter.

However, time will tell.

I was telling my mom that I actually feel the best I have felt in 7 weeks.
I thought that was so strange.
She looked at me like I had seriously lost my mind and then said, "Well, of course you do, you are pumped full of morphine."
Oh yeah. That fact seemed to have slipped my mind.
Had a good laugh about that.

However, I guess its a fairly stark reality of just how really bad it has been if I feel that way after undergoing emergency surgery just 4 days ago.

Yesterday, I had an appointment with my surgeon to remove my stitches. It was the first time in 5 weeks that I wore clothes and not pajamas. I even brushed my hair and put on make up - haven't been able to do that since we were in California.


Pretty crazy reality to face the fact that even though I was just 3 days post surgery, I was actually the most functional I have been in 5 weeks. Of course, the fact that I also had the nerve to ask my surgeon when I could put my belly button piercing back in, citing that "I don't 'recognize' my stomach without it." is probably an indication that I am still somewhat a little loopy from narcotics. I even made it to our 20 min. Parent-Teacher conference with Parker's teacher. However, given my narcoticly influenced head space, I figured it would be wise if I stayed uncharacteristically quiet.


And oh yeah, speaking of surgery....
That was done on Saturday.

It was a Laproscopic Gall bladder surgery.
Which basically means that they just suck it out through 4 little incisions.



Hoover away, Doc, Hoover away.
Feel free to suck out as many borrelia spirochetes as possible while you are at it.

In all I spent 4 days in hospital.
And boy do I have stories to tell.
The whole experience was one crazy ride that bounced non-stop between insanely boring and incredibly dramatic.

My lyme symptoms certainly gave the hospital a run for their money. Literally.

It was all rather terrifying...and definately a curious, new phenomena to experience. Generally my lyme symptoms go into hiding in the presence of medical personnel, so while it was scary to deal with my crazy symptoms ON TOP of dealing with surgery, it was also a strangely exhilirating, liberating experience.

More about it all later.
Right now, I'm fighting to stay awake.

But most importantly, before I head off into La La Land, I just wanted to say an immensely HUGE THANK YOU to all of you who have supported, encouraged and prayed for us...especially over the past 5 weeks. Graham always relayed your messages to me and I cannot even begin to express what that meant to me. This is an incredibly lonely and isolating disease to fight - I take great comfort in knowing and being reminded through emails and phone calls that I am not alone.

Indeed, I know that I have been the recipient of an amazing and overwhelming outpouring of love and prayer. In fact, I so strongly experienced such an absolute supernatural peace as I was wheeled into the OR, that it is beyond doubt that my peace in that scary moment can only be attributed to the power of prayer.

WHO AM I....that I should be the recipient of such an overwhelming outpouring of love, support and prayer?

WHO AM I...that strangers should choose to send me their love?

WHO AM I...that folks make time in the busyness of their own lives to clean my house, take & pick up my kids from school, nurture my kids by including them in their family experiences and outings, prepare meals for our family, drive me to dr appointments, the list goes on and on...

WHO AM I....that folks have the tenacity and strength to tirelessly and faithfully uphold me in prayer as this battle endlessly and wearily wages on and on and on?

WHO AM I...that folks who carry their own tremendous burdens and pain should choose to come along side of me and share the weight of my burden?

I am moved to tears.
I am humbled.
I am grateful.
I am profoundly blessed.
I am Shannon.
And I am back.



2 comments:

Carson Wittenberg said...

I am glad to hear that you are out of the hospital and feeling a bit better. I will continue to pray for you and your family.

Tania said...

Your blog makes me laugh and cry! It reminds me of my friend Feather's (yes,Feather-perhaps you've heard of her?) blog...except she has been fighting cancer. Both of you pouring your thoughts and emotions into cyberspace...it must be difficult and therapeutic. I am encouraged by your courage; I hope your are uplifted by our prayers:)
Tania Schulz (fellow Willingdon-er)