I AM...

I am sick today. I am so sick I want to die. I am angry today. I am very angry. I am panicked. I am despairing. I am struggling to maintain any hope at all. I am doubtful that I can beat this. and I HATE to even admit that because I have been so 'positive' and 'trusting' thru almost 2 years of hell now and to doubt and lose hope now is sad but it is my reality...at least for today. I am so unbelievably freaking angry about the whole thing...
pardon my language

I am fed up with fighting what feels like a losing battle.
I am disheartened by the ravaging effects that this disease has on my body.
I am angry that my kids are suffering as a result of this disease...our home is not a safe haven it is a war zone, and we are not somehow sheltered from all of the other life stresses just because I am ill and so we are struggling to cope with the regular stresses of life on top of my fairly severe dysfunction....

I am destroyed in mind and body after month after month of desperately thinking we are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel only to have that light snuffed out by the reality of a complete regression and worsening in my condition.

I am unbelievably tired of fighting the abuse of ignorant and pious doctors who refuse to treat or acknowledge my disease or Lyme in general...

I am the reality of Lyme.
I am pleading for my life.