"endure and persist; this pain will turn to good by and by"
~ ovid, roman poet
the day after my return to the gym, i was sore
that good kind of sore
the kind of sore that indicates neglected muscles are finally getting the attention they crave
i was so excited to feel sore like that again
today, i am in pain
the kind of pain that is accompanied by a host of other symptoms
i am irritable, slightly manic, i can't sleep, twitching and jerking, my head feels like it could blow off, my neck and spine rigid and stiff, my joints are ablaze with searing pain and my body is continuing to purge -without the aid of a rubber hose...
apparently the lyme and babesia do not take kindly to being purged from my body
they are raging and as a result i'm flat on my back in bed
it's a bummer but i'm trying to keep it in perspective
sure, i feel horrendous
imagine having the flu, the kind of nasty flu that necessitates a trip to the ER, as you gingerly make your way to your car, you slip and fall down your flight of stairs, and then on your way to the hospital you are rear-ended which results in a serious case of whiplash, add insult to injury, the paramedics that attend accidentally run over you with the gurney.
ok, that's a little lame but it is the best way i can think to describe what it feels like to be in my body right now
a year ago, the days i felt that way were the days that i defined as 'feeling good'
if my 'good days' from a year ago are my 'bad days' now
well, that is a considerable shift and improvement
and being laid up in bed again has given me a chance to catch up on my blogging...which is a comfort. it calms my manic mind. it is weird how that happens. my body craves calm and rest and yet my brain is in overdrive.
i am hopeful that this pain and flare in symptoms, is just my body reacting to the loss of the mondo amount of toxins that i have expelled through both the colonics and my 2, yes 2! workouts i did at the gym. after all, i undertook quite the intensive detoxing regime in the last week. it stands to reason that there would be fall out from that.
DR H has told me that when you pull a lot of toxins out of your body, it momentarily interrupts your body's equilibrium. as your body struggles to recalibrate and shift remaining toxins and heal, it can cause a temporary increase in nasty symptoms.
of course, quite naturally i fear that this is one of my big bad herxes. and if it is, well that bites big time. not that i didn't expect to still herx, after all, it is an unavoidable part of treatment but what i didn't expect was to herx this hard and this bad. i really thought the worst of the worst of those had finally passed. and now, here i am again, stuck in bed, riding out the storm. i fear that not being able to get out of bed today will turn into tomorrow and the next day, the day after that, the day after that. but, you know, a herx is a form of healing too. actually, "herxing" is also called a "healing crisis". that is an interesting perspective to ponder considering the torturous dance that is.
so i will rest and let my body heal
if you think about it, healing at any level produces temporary pain.
psychological healing involves confronting emotional baggage and working through that is a painful process.
but the end result is freedom and release from that which imprisons your spirit makes the pain of the process worth it.
why should healing from the physical damage of disease be any different?
quite simply, it is no different.
healing is painful.
but it is worth it.
no pain, no gain
so i will endure and persist; and this pain will turn to good by and by