April 7, 2009

THE C WORD


CANCER.

lifelong friend, cherished friend
chosen family, sister friend
godmom to my first born son
my dear friend has just been diagnosed with cancer

no. no. no.
i am sad
i am mad
no. no. no.

why? why her? what next?
she's endured so much already,
has lived, is living through so much heartache, loss and pain
oh, Jesus, stop the rain
how much must one be called to bear


not her. not now. not ever.

i silently scream
no. no. no.
a tidal wave of emotions crashing over me

i know how a diagnosis turns your world upside down
in the blink of an eye normal ceases to exist
a single moment in time changes everything
and you are shaken to your core


free fall thru timeless space
past, present, future
soliloquies of memory flashing by
forced to face reality
the fragility of your own mortality


i ache for all that is to come
for the battle that lays ahead
for the pain, the heartache, the loneliness
the long dark desert to sojourn thru before the dawn will break

i ache for what her boys must face
i grieve for all that they must feel
cancer striking like a thief in the night
oh lord, it takes my breath away


phoenix rising from the ashes
the fire of life refines, renews
she will beat this, i have no doubt
this precious family will rise above

i have faith, i have hope
though tears will fall, fear will grip
His grace, His peace, His strength
will lift them all to heights anew


come alongside, lend support
enter in my own frustration
unable to do more, be more
taunted by my limitations
i feel useless, helpless

silence! to my inner critic

i can be a listening ear,
i can be a prayerful heart
for this one i hold so dear
engage in battle thru mighty prayer

searching, pleading, soulful prayer
sweat and tears co mingle
fervent, burdened, earnest prayer
oh lord, hear my cry

pray for peace in this fiercest storm
pray for strength to endure
pray for grace for each and every day
pray for solace and for comfort

pray for tender hearts to stay true
pray for resilience, indomitable spirit
pray for them to keep trusting you
pray for healing and for wholeness
body, mind and spirit

prayer is stalled, barely whispered
anger rising in my heart
i am mad
why god why
no answers only questions
pounding in my ears

and then i hear Him
in the midst of my fury
His love, His peace, His voice beseech me
i love her more than you can ever know
as i have carried you
i will carry her

His still calm voice commands
surrender her to me
the time, the place, the here and now
the grief, the pain, the sorrow
trust me with her tomorrow

relinquish anger, release your worry
submit this dear one to my care
trust me with her
just as you trust me with you



please join me in praying and trusting for healing for my dear friend Jennifer, her husband, and her 4 sons.


3 comments:

Jensboys said...

Thank You. I dont know what else to say or how to express what your thoughts and prayers mean to me. WE BOTH will celebrate on the other side of our battles ... and be wiser, stronger, better for it. Or so I hope.

Thanks my friend, I love you.

Renee said...

I am lifting your dear friend up in prayer.

Julie K. said...

Shannon I am so sorry to hear the news about your dear friend Jennifer. You are an amazing writer. How did you formulate all those thoughts? I am so encouraged by your faith and your strength as I read your blog. Please know that we pray for you and your family often, and now we will also pray for your friend Jennifer and her family.