June 8, 2009

ABNORMAL IS MY NEW NORM


since my ABNORMAL MRI results came back
abnormal has become my new norm

last week, i spent the better part of a morning in the lab
donating what seemed like half my blood
tube after tube drained from my arm

and now the test results are rolling in

ABNORMAL test results.

which is new.
most lymies look healthy on paper.
i'm used to feeling like death warmed over
yet
having labs and tests
steadily yield 'normal' results.

apparently, things have changed.
abnormal is the new norm

still not sure what any of it means...
probably won't know until all results are back

having more tests done today

i continue to be off of treatment
waiting to hear from DR H whether or when we will re-start.

i had some 'ok' days over the weekend which was a nice change...
given how horribly horrible the last several weeks have been
having a few bearable days actually felt strangely abnormal...but nice.

abnormal is my new norm

abnormal and worrisome
abnormal and anxious
abnormal and scary

abnormal and questioning
abnormal and waiting
abnormal and wondering

abnormal BUT trusting
abnormal BUT fearless (for momentary moments!)


abnormal is my new norm

Isaiah 43:1-2,5

1 But now, this is what the LORD says—
he who created you,
he who formed you,
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.

2 When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze...

5 ...Do not be afraid, for I am with you








4 comments:

Renee said...

sorry to hear you are now having abnormal test, shannon. it is endless isn't it. I am still wrapping you in prayer. I love the verse about the fire...
We have had a very disturbing week ourselves, with Joel being diagnosed with peripheral Lyme Disease and more thanlikely bartonella...test results will be coming in a week to confirm. Joel did not "pas" neuro tests Dr. did...and I am also off all meds. I now have H Pylori bacteria and possible ulcer in stomach...next Monday I start 3 meds to kill it off. Still, even though I am afraid of doing what this will do, I am afraid not to do it even more...I can already see the affects of being off meds...neuropathy is high and balance is off,etc.
Please know how comforting I find your Biblical references and strong faith...You have a faith and honesty here that radiates and resonates for those of us who visit.
God bless

Anonymous said...

Dear Shannon
This must be the most difficult time for you. I am so sorry that the testing goes on and on. I am also very encourage the way you keep on taking all your fears, uncertainties and questions to the only one who has answers.God bless you , you are so special.
Love Betty

joolz said...

Shannon,

You continue to amaze me.

I continue to pray for strength and courage for you, Graham and the kids and all others who travel with you on this journey.

Hugs to you my friend.

He will carry you through.

xo Julie

Anonymous said...

hey shan- just read your june posts... oh man. there are no words- so sorry. when we were all together in may with jen, it just sounded a little hopeful- better days ahead and full healing- a restoration of the lost years "the locusts have eaten"... ~sigh~ sending you hugs, and continuing to pray everytime i think of you. chrisB