prince charming swooped in and whisked snow white off into the southern sunset of a foreign land. his sturdy, reliable silver steed carried them down the i-5 to the emerald city to see the wizard. prince charming would have preferred to rocket straight to their final destination in the land of OZ but gallant knight that he is he sacrificially swerved off the directed course to indulge snow white's fixation of hunting for treasures and the cheapest of finery in a ross dress for less. he patiently waited next to his practical 7 seat steed whilst snow white gaily yet gingerly skipped into the store.
"yes," sighed he in one resigned heave..."what's a guy to expect when married to a modern day snow white?"
really quite funny how love works that way .... when 2 worlds collide in a match called love it tends to unite polar opposites from the ends of the earth. this fairytale is no exception to that rule, after all this one united a multi-pierced and tattooed modern day city girl with a clean shaven missionary man who avidly loves the great, wild outdoors...and, i might add, he's 8 years her senior. and not for a minute does she ever let him forget it!
once back on course, prince charming and snow white beat a straight path to their temporary residence in the land of oz. there was nervous anticipation on both their parts as to what they would encounter at said destination.
why? say you to i.
one might suggest securing accommodations through priceline.com is a risky venture at best. snow white being the industrious maiden she is, snow white's bid was an offensively low ball offer...one could only imagine what kind of place you could get for really that cheap.
boy oh boy do our characters hope that their home away from home will not have them lamenting 'there's no place like home, there's no place like home'
and just what might you ask, has driven our characters to the insanity of blindly bidding for cheap hotels in far off lands? if they can't afford luxury why not just stay home?
sigh. this is where the tale turns ugly.
enter the antagonist - the tiniest, teensiest creature of all, a minute little bug whose venomous bite left snow white with an insidious infection called lyme.
yes, lyme leaves snow white bedridden for weeks at a time. in a blink of the eye, lyme can morph snow white into a scarecrow, a tin man and cowardly lion all rolled into one.
this is where this tale goes from ugly to evil nightmare.
enter the villains, too many to name. but one thing for sure, there are winged monkey warriors screeching the myth they fervently perpetuate,
"you can't get lyme in the east or the west or the great white north."
and munchkins galore who condescendingly mumble,
"lyme doesn't exist in canada at all... it's all in your head if you think you might have it."
they are all loyal gate keepers of the truth they suppress...or maybe they fear putting their reputation or riches on line or maybe they are just puppets in a much deeper, more dark and sinister plan at play.
whatever the reason, imagine our characters disgust and dismay to hear so many doctor's say, " i can't and i won't help you at all... to do so would put my livelihood on the line"
"but this is my wife and HER LIFE you are so coolly dismissing" screamed prince charming over and over again.
his panicked pleas did nothing to melt their hardened cold hearts
"take her away. maybe they'll help her in the land of Oz...but forget about canada...we're just not your guys."
and so the choice became clear...
with snow white rapidly ailing and losing her sight, they knew they had no other choice but to seek the help of a wizard in a foreign land.
email and internet and modern day conveniences quickly found them a wizard (one who was not all smoke and mirrors)
and so with their faithful GPS companion, Mortimer, at their disposal, they set off to see the wizard of Oz...
if only it was as cheap and simple as the tap, tap, tap of little red shoes
snow white is no dorothy
and to date, the trips to the wizard have been many. too many to count.
turns out, snow white is a complicated and costly dame... and quite frankly, can't afford red ruby slippers
"whatever!" she sighs, "I much prefer the comfort of my high top chucks anyway"
now back to our story, after all, snow white and prince charming are about to discover what 50 bucks a nite will earn you in this day of age...
and so with bated breath, they hesitantly made their approach, rounded the corner and lo and behold, before them lay a most beautiful courtyard and the prettiest hotel...does it really matter that it bordered the freeway?
nope, not at all.
once in their room, perched high above the twinkling lights of the cars speeding by on the freeway below snow white opened the window and with arms flung high, she exuberantly declared to the subjects of the emerald city below,
"i am queen of priceline.com!"
satisfied that anyone in ear shot had most certainly heard her proud proclamation, she turned back to catch a glimpse of prince charming, exhausted and snoozing on the comfort of the enormous, pillowy-soft king size bed. a tear caught in her throat...poor prince charming most assuredly got more than he ever bargained for when he made the traditional marital vow in his most unconventional way...
"i promise to pretty much hang around with you til i'm dead"
wonder of wonders, it's 11 years today since prince charming took snow white as his wife. through thick, thin, 3 little dwarves and all things lyme, him and snow white have stuck it out together. yeah. he's snow white's knight with the shining chrome dome and she'd be so lost without him.
yes, 11 years of wedded bliss and happily ever after.
harumph. happily ever after?
i'm pretty sure our characters never quite imagined 'happily ever after' would include a tale this twisted and bent.
could anyone ever even dream up a twisted fairytale such as this?
what kind of twisted fairytale is this?
it's the twisted tale of the reality of life BUT our characters cling tight to the promised 'happily ever after' that awaits them in the hereafter.
and oh what joy to know that the promise of heaven is no illusion, tall tale or fairy tale story.
and so for the time being,
between now and then, prince charming and snow white know they serve a king they can trust so in spite of it all...or maybe because of it all, they have found joy in this crazy journey they travail...