December 15, 2011


if you are on FB than you have been privy to my venting and pain today and you were witness to my raw emotions...

"i am once again picking up the pieces after dealing with more medical BS - so sick and tired of a blind eye and deaf ear being turned on Parker's suffering. i feel murderous rage and inconsolable sorrow."

in short, we had an appointment at BCCH today for parker. it did not go well. this appt had been in the works for some time and DR H had spoken with this doctor. while we had no expectation that this doctor would jump on board with treating parker, we were hopeful that this appointment would lead to some care and support. that did not occur.

really, there is not much point delving any deeper than that. it is the same old same old and as such, it raised the ire, the pain, the mistrust, the disappointment, the sense of abandonment that we carry from the many similar encounters that have gone before. as natural and needed and normal as it is to walk thru the emotional fall out of it, i will not allow it to define me. define us. define this journey.

"forgiveness is about letting go of the hope
 that the past 
could have been different."

this is NOT about what doesn't happen. it is NOT about help withheld. nor the injustice of it all.

this journey is about the overwhelming power of God at work in our lives to bring us to a place of healing and redemption.

"Then we cried out for help to the Lord, the God of our ancestors. He heard us and saw our suffering, hardship, and misery. By his great power and strength he rescued us from Egypt. He worked miracles and wonders, and caused terrifying things to happen. He brought us here and gave us this rich and fertile land." deut 26:7-9

it is about His sovereignty over the injustice of it.

"You'll know then that I am God. No one who hopes in me ever regrets it... I'm the one who's on your side, defending your cause, rescuing your children...Then everyone will know that I, God, have saved you—I, the Mighty One of Jacob." isa 49:23b,25,26b

it is about His provision and His help

"I lift up my eyes to the mountains, where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth." psalm 121:1-2

He cares. He sees. He hears. He heals. He loves us. 

"She said, 'I can't watch my son die.' As she sat, she broke into sobs.
Meanwhile, God heard the boy crying. The angel of God called from Heaven to Hagar, 'What's wrong, Hagar? Don't be afraid. God has heard the boy and knows the fix he's in. Up now; go get the boy. Hold him tight. I'm going to make of him a great nation." gen 21:16-18

No comments: