December 9, 2008


Happy one week anniversary to me, the Detox Diva.

Last Tuesday, I finally started the detox protocol that DR H prescribed several weeks ago. This is the detox regimen he wanted me on while I was on my little 'drug holiday'. When we talked several weeks ago, he said that he would only be okay with me being off my IV abx if I would fully submit to a 3 week hard core detox. I agreed to do it however it has taken me three weeks just to work up the courage to fully implement the entire plan.

Detoxing is not for the faint of heart.
I swallow 110 pills a day.
I drink a nasty detox concoction twice daily.
I rub castor oil over my abdomen and back every night.

Detoxing is hard on the body and harder on the wallet.
I go for lymphatic drainage massage twice a week.
I go for Ionic Foot Detox twice a week.
I go for infrared sauna therapy.

Detoxing is de-humanizing.
DR H refers to me as a walking cesspool of neurotoxins.
My lymphatic drainage therapist refers to me as puffy, lumpy, and boggy.
At my Foot Detox place, they refer to me as the "little old lady"
And I now have pimples. Big, red angry zits. On my face. On my neck. On my back.

Detoxing is for Divas.
Only a Diva could spend this much time and money on her body and still be grumpy at the end of the day!

1 comment:

Tania said...

Hang in there Diva! Only you could make the experience sound hilarious. I hope someone gets to put a smile on your face today too!