August 4, 2011


the first 24 hours of our 336 hours sans graham has gotten off to a rather overworming and harrifying start. er, i meant, overwhelming and horrifying.

graham left wednesday morning.
the dog pooped out a worm on thursday morning.
i nearly had a coronary.

i panicked. i freaked out. before i even called the
vet, i called our seattle doctor, dr d. i called her CELL phone. only supposed to use that in emergencies. i was in a state of panic and so, in my opinion, this was an emergency.

could we have worms?

everyone is exposed to tons of bacteria and parasites on a daily basis but for those (us) that are immuno compromised, any of these things can pose a threat to our health (or lack there of). we are far more susceptible to them and at risk of developing complications as a result.

thankfully, dr d answered her cell and talked me down from the ceiling. ha ha. certainly, there is a cause for concern and we do need to all be pre
ventatively treated. fortunately, both parker and i are already on meds for specifically for parasites. this is a common part of treatment as parasitical issues are common with lyme and co-infections. taylor is on the abx flagyl which is a heavy hitter and most likely would annihilate any little wormies he may have been exposed to. so, the meds we are on, should have us covered. phew. just to be on the safe side, dr d prescribed a 3 day course of de-worming treatment for avery. obviously, i can't de-worm graham because he is away in mexico... probably picking up his own set of parasites.

dr d also wanted to get harrison's poop tested. ahhhh, lovely. but also, necessary. it's a "good thing" (bet martha stewart never thought her key coined phrase would be used in reference to stool testing) to find out exactly what was in harri's poop - that way we can be treated as specifically as possible. it's also a "good thing" that i saw the worm. shudder. i'm dubious about that but that was dr d's professional opinion about the worm sighting. apparently, it's rare to actually see the worm in the poop...let alone a live one. oh, yes! it was squirming and wiggling. totally harrifying to see. but it's a good thing. at least we know and can be treated. apparently this is not a case of ignorance is bliss. suppose so. i'd rather be in the dark about it.

once i got off the phone with dr d. i put in a call to the vet. i needed to know whether we needed an appointment or could just drop in. it's abou
t a 25-35 minute drive (depending on traffic). i figured our situation was unusual enough, that i should give them the heads up.

no appt needed just come in and get pills, they said.
i couldn't get there fast enough.
in fact, it wasn't til we pulled up at the vet clinic that i realized i was still in my pajamas, hair and teeth unbrushed. i bet i made a pretty harrifying sight.

even though my conversation with dr d had calmed me down a bit, i was still pretty flustered when we arrived at the vet. it's just so gross. the k
ids were so grossed out too. they wouldn't touch poor harri - the whole drive to the vet, avery kept freaking out whenever he came near her. "his butt is touching my car seat!" she shrieked multiple times. they wouldn't even hold his leash.

poor ostracized puppy

we burst thru the doors of the clinic.
me, parker, avery, harrison and the offending poop.

naturally, it didn't go so smoothly at the vet. i was so upset and stressed and mumbling and not at all communicating properly or articulately. they kept saying it wasn't necessary to run lab tests on the poop because worms are common in dogs and they could just give me meds for him.

and i kept trying to explain that we needed the stool sample tested. that the we didn't need the labs run for HIS sake, we needed them run for OUR sake. that i'm immuno-compromised and my doctor needs to know exactly what kind of worm it was so i can be as specifically treated as possible.

the gal behind the front counter looked puzzled. she proceeded to tell me that if we needed a fecal test done, then we needed to have an appointment. could we come back in 2 hours?

i just about dissolved into tears.
i knew i just wouldn't have enough energy to drive home again and come back.
mind you, i didn't tell her that... i couldn't speak. i just stood there, poop in hand, blankly staring at her. i think she finally really looked at me then. remember, i was a sight for sore eyes, i think she took pity on me. she said, "hold on a minute. let me go talk to the vet and see if we can by pass the appointment."

thankfully, they did.
they'd run the lab and call me the next day with the results.

they sent us home, with a first round of de-worming meds.
couldn't get those into harri fast enough.

the whole thing just grosses me out
and remember how i had designated 0 hours to tidying up/cleaning my house?
yeah, well that changed in a flash.
the minute we got home from the vet, i set to work.
laundering his washable toys
throwing out the one's that aren't washable
laundering all his bedding
pretty much washing and bleaching anything his butt may have come in contact with.
even washed all the pillows on the couch
yeah, i was a little hysterical
total overkill but i'd rather over than under

by the time i was done, i was beyond exhausted. it was after 2pm. i had not even had breakfast yet. who could eat anyway? and the dog had still not been walked. the whole worm in the poop thing had preempted our earlier attempt. i was feeling completely overwhelmed and just started bawling my eyes out. so the dog has worms. it's really common. it's not really that big of a deal. except that graham is gone. and that is stressful enough. and it's making me confront loss again - that whole missing out on life plans stuff and assorted negative thinking that accompany how our life is just not at all how we ever imagined it would be and has not at all gone how we had planned. i'm not remotely resentful of graham being gone. in fact, i am excited and thrilled that he could go. i have often felt badly and guilty about how much my being sick has impacted him and our plans. i'm not mad that i couldn't go, just really sad.

so, yup, all it took was ONE worm to tip my emotional scale. i get that life can be pretty crappy and rarely goes as planned...but really? Lord, you could have spared me worms in the crap! stupid worm left me feeling, i dunno, defeated? sad? overwormed! harrified! as i walked the dog, i stewed about my crappy life and grumbled my way around the park. i wasn't at all in the mood, but i figured this was probably an appropriate time to listen to some praise and worship on my ipod. that's when the following song came on...listen by clicking here - my changing world by kutless and/or read lyrics at end of this post.

pretty amazing, eh?

it certainly helped a ton.
even better, was what happened after i got home from my walk. first, i went to get the mail and i had a birthday card from my husband. (it's my birthday on sunday). that was just so sweet and such an awesome surprise.

next, i checked my email and sitting in my inbox was an email from a friend and her daughters offering to take avery on a fun outing the following day.

i cried.
but it was the good type of cry.
not the i'm overwormed by crap cry but the i'm overwhelmed and grateful cry.
God is blessing me and he is here with me...even in the midst of the crap.

~by Kutless

I thought I had it all under control
I thought my fate was still in my hands
All of my plans were firmly set
By the words that I say

I forgot how quickly things can change
Now my vision cannot be the same

My life is not what I thought
I'm not where I planned to be
Though something's gone
There's nothing wrong with my changing world
Though something's gone
There's nothing wrong with my changing world

I need to let go of my destiny
I need to trust in things unseen
I believe in having faith
Though I yield my control

I forgot how quickly things can change
Now my vision cannot be the same

I'm embracing all of my fears
I am watching them turn to delight
The very fears which were gripping my mind
Are now the hands shaping and sculpting my dreams

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