GOD'S GUIDING HAND

i have a friend who has a special gift for picking out the best cards ever. the verse and poem in this posting were in a card i received from her last week. it sure reflects the feelings we have experienced as we traveled the diagnosis roller coaster with parker over these past 3 months:

we ask, "WHY?" and find no reasons.
we ask, "HOW?" and find no solutions.
we ask, "WHERE" and find no direction.

yet, with eyes of faith,
we can see the light of God~
breaking through the darkness,
guiding our way,
renewing our hope
day by day

today (sunday) we will embark on our journey to San Fran. (we're staying overnight in Bellingham, WA and flying out of Bellingham airport early monday morning). there is much emotion attached to this trip. it is difficult to adequately articulate the plethora of emotions washing over me. it is hard to believe that this is a visit necessitated by the illness of one of our children. i remember well our very first trip to SF (dubbed the Lyme Life Flight) and all the apprehension and anxiety that accompanied it; the overwhelming sense of disbelief we felt over the fact that we really had to leave Canada for medical treatment; we worried about navigating through a foreign land and wondered how we would ever pay for it all. so much was unknown yet we felt God's guiding hand upon us and knew we could trust Him with the details.

the 'traditional' border line up photo.
who is that turkey in the back?

that we must now make this trip because one of our children is possibly ill with LD is unfathomable. as we sojourn forth, much of the emotion from our first trip is being relived... along with the tumult of conflicting emotions we feel as we are at odds with what we fear more - finally having a diagnosis or leaving here with none.

however, i know that God goes before us... just as he did before.
we can trust him to guide and direct us this time around too.

"but i'll take the hand of those who don't know the way,
who can't see where they are going.
I'll be a personal guide to them,
directing them though unknown country.
i'll be right there to show them which roads to take,
make sure they don't fall into the ditch.
these are the things i'll be doing for them -
sticking with them not leaving them for a minute."
~ isaiah 42:15-18

DJ MOM SHUFFLES THE RECORDS

today both parker and i had long appointments with DR A . he is the canadian doctor who is working in tandem with DR H to monitor my treatment and provide hands on care in between my appointments with DR H.

i met with DR A to go over the results of a recent ultrasound i had. apparently my spleen is rather swollen. i've also had a flare up in pretty severe kidney pain - and have been passing blood again. i had labs done today to check on my kidney function. we will have left for SF to see DR H by the time those results are in - so DR A will be faxing them to DR H. guess he'll have to contend with my kidneys and spleen. lucky doc. all in all, i think my old bod is doing remarkably well given all the duress and stress it is under.

and now on to parker's appointment...

when parker's symptoms started looking suspiciously lyme-like we phoned DR A's office and asked if he would take on parker as a new patient. much to our relief, he agreed. so a couple of weeks ago, we had parker's medical records transferred from our long time family doctor's office to DR A's office.

today, we discussed parker's suspicious lyme test results and his symptoms. we also discussed the possibility of parker having some sort of Post Viral Syndrome. it is possible but DR A said that a PVS usually resolves within a month or so. on Dec 7, parker will have been sick for 3 months and his symptoms are not only not resolving, they are getting worse. he experienced his worst joint pain ever this week - despite being on prescription pain meds twice daily and tylenol every 4 hours. additionally, we talked about whether mold or allergens could be causing his symptoms. DR A said that is highly unlikely - but " you can never say never in medicine. the body's immune response is complex and can do weird things. there are so many variables in medicine and it is not an exact science." (isn't he wonderful to acknowledge that fact!)

the outcome of today's appointment is that DR A agrees that parker's symptoms are suspicious for lyme. he believes that further evaluation at this point is wise and necessary. he is completely supportive of us taking parker to see DR H. i am grateful for his support. parker and i left his office with a file folder full of important medical information and history to give to DR H when we see him next week (dec 9).

i do not know if DR A will be willing to treat parker for lyme if that ends up being the diagnosis. i didn't quite have the courage to come right out and ask him that today. in the past, we've asked him to take on one or two other lyme patients that we know. he has always declined. we know that this has been difficult for him - and it is not what he wants. unfortunately, his hands are literally tied. the canadian medical licensing boards give doctors that treat lyme a really hard time. DR A feels he can fly under the radar with one patient...but two may be pushing it. to the point, that it could end up jeopardizing his practice and his care of my case. yes, the medical furor and backlash over treating chronic lyme is that hostile and intense.

but
DR A is lyme friendly
and
our old family doctor is not.
so that is a start.

in the meantime, DJ mom is glad she shuffled the records.

THE K.I.S.S. CHRISTMAS

i'm sure most folks are familiar with the K.I.S.S. principle.

K.eep I.t S.imple S.tupid

this is not a principle i have ever applied to Christmas decor. simple? forget it! not even on my radar. overkill? that's more like it! every and any plausible and even implausible surface in our home is adorned... mainly bedecked in a plethora of feathers and fowl.



for the first time ever, i'd rather just "ditto" Christmas. graham is literally pirouetting through the barren landscape of our simplified home. not sure why he is so delighted - oh, that's right. he's not being forced to live in a "chicken coop" this year.



this was the first time in 3 years that i was able to decorate our christmas tree. this is a huge accomplishment! the past couple of years, friends have done it for me. part of me feels sad that i am not in a more celebratory mood about this. after all, that shining tree is a salute to the progress i have made on this long road to recovery i am on. i should be joyful...however my usual exuberance and enthusiasm is lacking. i do not have the energy to summon it forth.

i don't have a bah-humbug bad attitude. no not at all. i am just physically and emotionally drained. i am sad that i don't have the heart to see all things bedecked. truth be told, this year the thought of festooned fowl and glittery feathers prettily strewn about turns my stomach. the thought of looking at and living in all that glorious downy fluff has me feeling like flying the coop rather than nesting.


even my poor crows are experiencing a shut-out like none experienced before.
not sure they'll recover from this shocking turn of events.

the crows were not impressed to find their rightful perch on the kid's Christmas tree
usurped by half-naked teddy bears.
they gathered round, surmising the abomination and planning their revenge.

their plan for revenge was brought up short when,
to their great shock and dismay,
they discovered no place of honor had been saved for them on the designer Christmas tree either. they stupidly stood gawking in stunned silence.
the glory of the home and they were not part of it? surely there must be some mistake?

the crows could not believe their misfortune.
they were completely miffed to be shut out from every tree in sight.
"this is a Christmas that will go down in history." they bitterly huffed with contempt.

yes, my dear birds, this is the Christmas of K.I.S.S

i need simplicity this year...life feels so complicated and crowded and topsy-turvy.

i need space to just breathe. (listen to BREATH OF HEAVEN)

above all, i need to focus on JOY

J esus
O thers
Y ou

after all, choosing to have true JOY is the key to a simple yet fulfilling life.