336 HOURS

this morning graham left on a road trip. he will be gone for 2 whole weeks. gulp.

that's 336 hours. somehow that seems a less intimidating number to contend with than 2 weeks or 14 days.

may be weird but it just does.

i've always kinda liked number games. not math. i suck at math. but number games i like. i think it started when i married someone 8 years older than me. i like that. i like rubbing in that fact. graham just rolls his eyes and puts up with my teasing. sure, it's rather immature of me but hey, he's more than capable of dealing with it, after all, he's much older than me.

i'm also a young mom. er well, i started out as a young mom. when my son taylor reaches official retirement age of 65, i will ONLY be 83. which means there is the slightest chance that we could end up living in a retirement community together. we'll be little old people together. ha ha.

when taylor started his grade 12 year, avery was starting grade 1. so we had one kid in their final year of school and one just beginning their school career. well, actually that was kinda depressing. never mind.

back to the 336 hours thing.

graham is on his way to mexico. it's not as wonderful as it sounds. he's driving there. in a caravan of vans filled to the brim with teenagers. he packed ear plugs and a costco size bottle of advil. he's heading down there with a team of other youth workers, volunteers and of course, a group of teens. they will be working in an orphanage there. me and our kids are staying home. it's hard be left behind on many fronts. we've always desired to do a mission's trip as a family. doing that was one of the many dreams that graham and i had for our family right from the start of our marriage. then lyme came along.

we had really, really, really hoped and prayed that we would all be well enough to go on this trip. we figured that was a pretty big pipe dream but you know, we still hoped it would happen. i've had to let go of a lot of dreams and aspirations go over the past 5 years. it's not enough to say "maybe one day" or "next time" anymore. it doesn't ease the loss. as time goes by you learn to creatively adjust, but for me, anyway, the losses don't get easier to cope with, they get harder. but such is life.

please be in prayer for my husband and the entire project serve mexico team. they have a blog and my hubby is going to be giving a whirl at keeping folks posted. please feel free to follow their adventures at www.thefridge.ca or just click here. i know me and the kids will be hanging on to every word we read! please pray for safety. pray for an epic experience - pray that they would bless the socks of those little ones they will be ministering to at the orphanage. i'm challenged to face the next 336 hours all by myself but that pales in comparison at the thought of all those little ones living their entire lives 'all by themselves'. breaks my heart. absolutely breaks my heart. such pain. such heartache. such loss. and i complain? pssshhht.

the next 336 hours will be a challenge for the project serve mexico team. certainly, the next 336 hours will be a challenge for me too. it's pretty daunting and i'm more than a little overwhelmed at the thought.

we're very relieved that i'm through the absolute worst of my herx from last week. if ever there was an "ideal" time for graham to be gone it would be right after a one of my stays on spirochetal death row - i generally have the most manageable days symptom wise in the days that immediately follow a herx. however, i'm still really struggling, for whatever reason (most likely, murphy's law) and i'm not bouncing back as fast as i have in recent months. i'm still in considerable pain and it's a real struggle to get through the day. i have only had 2 barf free days in the past 14 days. - so my energy reserves, which are lacking at the best of times, are completely depleted. surviving the next 336 hours on my own is feeling pretty overwhelming and daunting and lonely. graham and i are a team. he does SO MUCH. i'm down a player now. forget that, i'm down my STAR player now and most of the time i'm on the scratch list. it's gonna take a whole lot of tenacity and courage and grit and determination to persevere through the next 336 hours.

back to my number game now. here's my projections for the next 336 hours:

i will spend a total of 12 hours preparing IV meds;

i will spend a total of 42 hours infusing those IV meds.

i will spend a total of 6 hours dispensing oral meds;

i will spend every 24 hour period tied to a rigorous schedule of consuming those dispensed meds:

9:00am, 9:30am, 10am, 11am, 1pm, 3pm, 4pm, 5pm, 9pm, 10pm, 11pm;

i will spend a minimum of 14 hours dealing with an assortment of other medical stuff.

i will spend a minimum of 28 hours standing in front of the fridge trying to figure out what to make for dinner;

i will spend a minimum of 28 hours contemplating how to make that dinner.

i will spend a total of 14 hours walking the dog and picking up his unmentionables;

i will spend a total of 7 hours brushing the dog's hair.

i will spend a total of 0 hours brushing my own.

i will spend a total of 10 hours trying to figure out what to do with the kids;

i will spend an additional 10 hours trying to strategically make those plans work around our medical and physical challenges.

i will spend a minimum of 84 hours sleeping;

i will spend 0 hours tidying the house.

i will spend 30 minutes a day blogging...

30 minutes a day...that may be as big a challenge as getting through the next 336 HOURS. see? i still have big dreams and aspirations!

i always have plenty of stories and memories floating around in my head but getting them down in black and white is challenging - even at the best of times. last time i checked (2 seconds ago) i had 15 half finished blog posts sitting in my draft box. not sure that they'll ever see the light of day. at any rate, i'm going to endeavor to give myself 30 minutes a day to plug away at recording this crazy journey we are on. after all, that's the whole reason i started blogging in the first place! ironic that it is this very journey that hijacks my time.

so, 30 minutes of blogging a day works out to a total of 7 of the next 336 hours.

how many hours does that leave me with to really worry, fret or stress about coping with it?

a grand total of 14 hours

see? that doesn't sound so bad, eh?

i love number games.

hold up a minute,

avery just reminded me that it's harrison's birthday on friday.

naturally, she just announced that

"we (which really means me) just HAVE to have a party and cake for him."

after all, it's his FIRST birthday.

oh brother.

i guess that takes care of my last 14 hours.

one thing for sure tho'

i will spend every single second of these 336 hours missing my husband.