September 5, 2011


i'm being treated for excess fluid on the brain. docs think this is what is causing my barfing, nausea, extreme fatigue, eye & head pressure. those symptoms have been going on for several weeks and getting progressively worse and this week it just all spun out of control - I started being incoherent, couldn't walk...even infusing straight IV fluids to keep me hydrated made me nauseated and vomit.
i don't have a ton of recollection of past several days - i know it got really bad wednesday afternoon. i remember Graham carrying me to the car. i remember the doc coming out to the parking lot to see me in the van. i remember searing pain. i remember being really, really hot & wishing i'd just melt away...into nothingness.

i don't remember coming home. i remember Graham giving me meds and saying if there wasn't big improvement by next day, doc said I had to go to hospital. i barfed again. and again and again...but by next afternnon, nausea was a bit better

and so the week has gone by. a blur of sights, sounds and pain id rather not remember.

i'm not able to be out of bed or around much noise or activity but yesterday & today, i managed to grt to couch on my own - had to shuffle and hold on to stuff, i'm exhausted, i've got arrythmias, i'm super tired, feet & hands on ice b/c of painful neuropathy, vision wonky, dizzy, blah, blah, blah...but pain has eased (thank you morphine) and horrible eye pressure and head pressure is improved...nausea and barfing have been significantly reduced. and I can lie here and type coherently... would write more but i'm just so tired...but we are seeing small improvements so we're hopeful docs are on right track in the whole drain the brain thing.

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