RESTING EASIER

graham and parker have safely arrived in seattle and are in a hotel that is situated about a 10 minute drive from the the clinic where parker will have his PICC replacement surgery tomorrow.

phew! i'm glad they made it. graham said the drive was "unremarkable" and "uneventful" - thank you Lord! he also said the drive was quiet - parker slept pretty much the entire drive. that's good too. gave graham a bit of time to decompress.


i am resting somewhat easier. huge relief to know they've arrived safely. and we're "this close" to being through with this 'arm' of the journey.


naturally, it's gonna take some time to truly unwind. my mind is stuck somewhere in that trauma induced state of 'flight or fight' response. none more evident then when the phone rang around 6pm tonight. 


when i saw the number was coming up as a seattle area code... 
i nearly coded.
must be the surgery clinic. i immediately jumped to the conclusion that the call could only mean bad news.
i felt panicky
and
actually started noticeably shaking. 
got clammy. felt faint.


heart in throat, i picked up the phone
and
hesitantly whispered "hello"
and
then braced for bad news.


it didn't come...
the cheery voice on the other end was just calling to CONFIRM parker's appointment for tomorrow.


oh my. i nearly burst into tears of sheer relief. 


think i need to get myself back to my trauma therapist...i just need to find some trauma free time in order to free up time to schedule an appointment. ironic.


surgery will take place tomorrow at 11am. they have to check into the clinic at 10:30am. we would appreciate your prayers. parker is coping but certainly has anxiety about the surgery. today, was a terrible day for him pain wise and he had to be pretty doped up with morphine. i'm hoping he'll be feeling a little better tomorrow. 


well, i'm zonked...yet still running on nerves or adrenaline or something. hoping a little ativan and zopiclone will knock me out for the night...and hopefully, a mere 14 hours from now, parker will have his new PICC and we'll all be resting easier.