May 10, 2009


my mom is not just my mom, she is truly my best friend.
my rock. my strength. my cheerleader. my shoulder to wail on.
my mom is my hero.

she has modeled to me a remarkable faith; an unshakable belief in the sovereignty of God and and an unwavering belief in the Promises He gives us.

recently i came across a link to a website called "Shades of Grace" It is the story of a young woman named Natalie who is battling lyme. Her story is both heart wrenching and inspiring.

i've spent the last 2 weeks perusing her sight and listening to the audio segments of her story. last weekend, i listened to Natalie's mom, Sandra, share how she survived her daughter's journey.

The Challenge to Sandra's Faith in God's Promises
How did you survive it as a Mother?

it wasn't until i listened to Sandra share, that it hit me just how painful this journey has been for MY mom. i don't think i have ever truly understood what my illness has cost her...sure i've been aware and have recognized (and appreciated) all that she does and all the sacrifices that she has made on my behalf. but i have been too wrapped up in my own suffering to fully appreciate that she has suffered right along with me.

what has it cost her to make the sacrifices she has made
to come week after week to help care for me and my family
what has it cost her to carry the burdens she has endured on my behalf
the hours she has spent doing laundry, cleaning house, making meals
or the times she has needed to mother my children rather than 'grandparent'
or has whipped me around the mall in a wheelchair so i could do my Christmas shopping
(okay that was actually a fun day)

what must it have cost her when she spent HOURS listening to me endlessly wail into the phone
marathon phone calls where ALL i did was weep into the phone
so weak that the phone was propped up beside me on my tear drenched pillow

what has it cost her to put up with me when i am miserable, grouchy and mad at the world
and yet when i have been at my ugliest
a puffy, snotty, drooling, gasping, shell of my former self
she has told me i am beautiful, strong, courageous and loved
what has it cost her to 'lose' her daughter over and over
i cannot imagine what agony this placed in her heart

what has it cost her to hear me beg God to let me die
what must it have cost her to have me beg her to pray for it to end
when my depth of despair has been so profound and the pain so agonizing
and the journey has felt so frightfully hopeless
what has it cost her to not be able to kiss it all better

when there is no end in sight, no cure to be found
when there have been no answers only endless questioning
when all hope has been dashed and i have been broken

she has been the one to remind me that there is hope
my hope, our hope is in God and His Promises
she has been the one to remind me that he promised to heal me
that he is faithful and He WILL fulfill his promise

and when she tells me that God will make good on that which he has promised it has meaning. it has fortitude. it has power. it has strength. it has credibility.
it is believable because she has lived it, she has modeled what it means to cling to God's promises throughout my life. God's promises to her have gotten her through incredibly desolate and painful times. promises that seemed impossible and unbelievable but through persistence in prayer and faith, she has persevered long enough to experience the fulfillment of those promises.

God is faithful to keep His promises.

and so,
i know,
i believe
that the day will come when my lyme will be dead and buried - and i will be healed.

Mom, thank you for the countless times you have reminded me that that day WILL come. Thank you for silently suffering alongside of me on this journey of life and lyme.

mom, did i ever tell you you're my hero?
you're everything i would like to be
you are the wind beneath my wings

i can only pray that i would be able to mother my children with the same grace, courage, strength, wisdom, persistence in faith and perseverance in prayer that you have modelled to me.

i love you.

please listen to the song in my heart:


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