August 30, 2008


The familiar roller coaster week

Progress is slow. Often it is 1 step forward, 3 steps backward. That is just the nature of this beast. There is no ryhme or reason to explain a sudden onset of symptoms. There is no way to predict what will happen one moment to the next . There is no miracle cure aside from the divine. There is no magic pill. No fast track protocal. There is no definative medical finish line.

The only thing predictable about living with LD is that it is consistently a white knuckled rollercoaster ride of highs and lows and just about everything in between.

This week I've been riding the roller coaster at a frenzied pace. And its been mostly downhill.

One minute I'm up, the next minute I'm down. Outta bed, back in bed. Can see, can't see. Heart calmly beating, heart frenetically racing. Clear head, foggy head. Walk down stairs, get carried up stairs. Joints are spry, joints are stiff. Sounds are calming, sounds are deafening. I breathe freely, I gasp for air. I feel alive, I feel like dying.

And all of it can happen in the blink of an eye.

Confusing to understand.

Even more confusing to live with.

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